Coming Home

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Hi, it’s Jake again. Thank you for coming back to read more of my story. I know it’s not exactly a fun, light-hearted read, but I still think it’s important for me to share what happened to help myself recover and hope to reach someone reading this who might be going through the same thing.

I told you in my last post about one of the darkest memories I have from the war. I don’t want to repeat it here, so if you missed it, you can go back to my last post and see the kinds of things that gave me nightmares and flashbacks after I came home.

After four years of serving in the military, I was finally able to come home. When I planned on joining the military back in high school, I thought I’d be so excited to go home that I’d be counting down the days. But I felt lackluster and honestly a little scared. The military had structured my life and been my whole world for the past four years, and I had changed so much as a person. How was I supposed to go back to my old life and reintegrate into society? I wasn’t excited to start college or any of the other things that had driven me before my bad experiences in the army.

I didn’t know it then, but I was in a deep depression. The nightmares and flashbacks hadn’t started yet. I guess my mind and body worked to get me through the entire four years of military experience before allowing me to access those emotions and memories.

I moved in with my mom upon my release from the military. I had her and a younger brother who was still in high school, but my dad was never really in the picture growing up.

Because my brother was in school and various extracurricular activities and my mom worked long hours, I was mostly home alone during that time.

The plan had been for me to apply to colleges or start looking for work and to either move into a dorm or my own place. But I had no drive left. I felt exhausted from head to toe, and some days I didn’t even get out of bed except to go to the bathroom. Like I said, I was deeply depressed.

It was one of those days when I barely left bed that the drug trouble started.

Keep reading to find out what started my spiral into heroin addiction.