It Started With A Paper Cut

It Started With A Paper Cut

I’m glad you’re back to read more of my story.

In my last post I shared with you how down and depressed I was after returning home from the military. I no longer had the structure and routine I was used to that kept me motivated and active. I was having horrible nightmares and vivid flashbacks of my worst experiences in the military, like the tank. With no drive, I sank into depression, and instead of following my plans to start college or a job, I started using drugs instead.

I had never experimented with drugs or alcohol in high school, as many of my friends had. I was too focused on grades, sports, and my military plans, and I didn’t want to jeopardize any of it.

Thinking about it now, that might actually be part of the reason I started taking drugs after the military. I had never experimented before, so I had no idea the effects it could have on the brain and body. But of course I knew that drugs were bad, I’m not trying to excuse my actions.

I was home alone one day at my mom’s house, as usual, when I was thumbing through a stack of mail on the kitchen table and got a paper cut.

I was rummaging through my mom’s medicine cabinet for a bandage when I found it.

A nearly full bottle of prescription painkillers with my mom’s name on them, left over from when she had surgery on her shoulder a year ago.

I held the bottle in my hand, and almost without thinking popped two pills in my mouth and washed them down with water from the bathroom sink.

About an hour later, I felt great, the best I had felt since leaving the military, or maybe ever. My body didn’t ache, I felt calm yet energized, and I had about half an hour of euphoria.

But it didn’t last long. A few hours later and the high was gone entirely.

So I took more.

I finished that bottle, knowing my mom would never realize it because she had probably forgotten it was there in the first place. Then I went online and found a website where I ordered more, illegally. I won’t tell you what the site is or how I did it because I don’t want to help anyone buy pain pills illegally, but that’s how I did it.

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